We have so many thoughts inside of our heads, but once we start thinking about writing them down they all disappear.
This blog might be offensive for some of you, please feel free to leave. Too many triggers will be pulled here, and this is your last trigger warning.
Let's talk business.
After I made this big decision to finally be my own boss, I have encountered and discovered so many things. I have aged and gained experience like there's no tomorrow. But, what shocked me the most about this field, is everything.
Let's talk about creativity.
Some people are born creative, some people strive to be creative, some are nowhere near creative. Then, you have those who are technical, who just do what they gotta do. They just need someone to give them the creative dose for them to do it, will they? No idea.
Then comes the designer.
Not everyone who calls themselves a designer is a designer. I'm not saying that they must have a Bachelor's degree to be called designers, but the whole experience and principles are taught differently in the university. That is in comparison with online learning. As I have noticed that A LOT over here, do a couple of tutorials online, acclaim to be designers, and then do some designs or logos. With what? zero creativity & taste. Then, the client has no clue what is branding and what is their brand. All they have is a logo, with no coordination. Come to us, and ask us what to do. Creating his/her brand all over again, in the right way. Make sure to check for degrees, and certifications when you ask someone to design for you. Check if they use Adobe if you'd like too. Those who work on Microsoft and call themselves designers, have a special place in hell. Same for those who use Canva. I'm shocked by the results that I am seeing. Few are good, some are so bad.
My condolences go to the clients. But then, I get some clients telling me that my prices are high, why? because they compare the prices with those wannabes. Not only me, any person, actually any creative person who earned a degree and is creative af. Struggles, in this aspect.
Just like there's a hierarchy in everything, the same goes for the creative fields. If you do not practice you will lose your kick, if you don't have creativity you won't create something special, and if you have no taste you can't create art.
I will repeat it, not everyone who claims to be a designer is a designer. Enough with the Con artists. Being a designer is an artisan. It's a craft, a beautiful one. Creating a brand is no joke. It's not just about a logo, it's about a story and a business.
I read a lot of philosophy books and psychology books, and I highly believe they impacted a lot on me as a human. I just enjoy reading theories and what other people think and their perspective in life.
We only live once you know, so why not do the thing you enjoy the most? Even plentiful of constructive films post WWII are huge theories on their own, but executed differently.
I come from a conservative family, but what I wold say religion impacts their choices in life more than culture, and in my opinion, I think in Lebanon in general a persons religion is what impacts their life more than عادات وتقاليد.
I’m curious what impacts your life.
Is it your culture?
Is it your religion?
Is it both?
If I had to answer, I would say my human self, ethics, and moral. Then my culture, and religion come as marinara sauce.
If you feel more comfortable by sending it on my email, please feel free.
Design by Asma Haddad ©
Alone again (naturally) I
I believe that I do need to state this, as the background affects what's upcoming a lot. I do have siblings and even step ones, but due to family circumstances I had to be raised as an only child.
Alone Again is going to be a series.
I was once asked, what is the thing that you would have loved to experience in your life, if you had siblings? My answer was: To have my bro/sis knock on the door of my class and ask for me. It was kind of weird to give such an answer, but I highly believe only only child know how to it feels when the moment occurred to others, but not you (of course I do know that even those with big age gap siblings didn't experienced it as well).
I used to love school, I genuinely enjoyed my time so much, having so many kids to play around with. I used to hate it whenever the last bell rang, and it was time to go back home. Which means, time to be alone.
As a child, it used to affect much more than now, but do you know what it means to be playing on your own? Do you know what it means having no one to laugh with as a child inside your home? Do you know how it's like to only have Mom and Dad (IM VERY THANKFUL FOR THEM) as your only companions inside walls? or even travels? When you wanted to be going to amusement parks, and legit you had no one to share your rides with(unless other family friends were called for)?
I'm not saying I'm not thankful and blessed, but please keep in mind what I'm doing now is I'm sharing what I felt during those times.
You know, when I was a child. Whenever there's tension between my parents and I. I sincerely used to wish for someone to save me, or lets say يطب يطب عليي(tap my back?). I do know how a family with many siblings runs like, as I do have an experience in that as well. Again مش كل صابيعنا متل بعضا(not all your fingers are the same length?). I used to hate to be alone, the bond and the connection with siblings is something I never got to have in my life. Specially as children, since it grows with you.
It always ends up, once I'm back home. I'm Alone Again (Naturally).
hand lettered by Asma Haddad ©
Qasim's thoughts on relationships
Relationships in my opinion, they are great! Every relationship is different and you get to set your own rules and boundaries with compromise.
There are the basic ones with labels, and each one of those are defined differently, and then there are really obscure and complex ones without labels. Life is an adventure and is better when shared.
By Samita Urunkar
Relationship thought from Nujood alnahdi
Sooo relationships , honestly I think life would be easier if people were honest about how they feel .. first of all it saves time and drama ( ur eye roll ).. I think we are in a time where we don’t feel love or friendship fully .. to me it feels like everyone is going through constant attachments to fulfill their current desires / needs and that's it.
Also I would like to add.
If you like someone tell them , if you feel like your relationship with someone is changing and its affecting you address it , if you no longer share the same interests as your friends don’t hold yourself back , whether its love , friendship etc... life is too short so why do we waste it on whats ifs and bullshit.
Artwork by Nujood Alnahdi ©
Dear Off to Venus,
You know me personally, and so do I. But let's just keep it anonymous and honest here. I am not sure if this was what you were willing to hear about the "Relationship Menu" but here's what want to share.
Love is real, passion is there, and whoever feels it is lucky. I was lucky enough to feel passionate and in love with a guy that wasn't even from my community, not having the same religious thoughts, and came from different backgrounds in general. But that what kept me very very interested in him. It's our difference. It's how much love I had to small talks with him. His voice, his mind, his thoughts, even his appearance. Btw, you know this "love is blind" kinda shit? Yes, it's true. I was blind and I knew I was skipping a million toxic and negative things about him but I always thought that the love I have for him is above all. I want to live with a person that sparks up my life every time I see him.
One thing you should know about me is that, when I love, I give my all. ALL. I had too many emotions for him. He left because he thought he was toxic. But I fought for him, many times. I showed support. I loved him when he didn't care about me. I believed in him when he didn't believe in himself.
He broke my heart.
But as I said, love is real. And when it hits you will start thinking in all possible ways to make him feel the same towards you. I knew he loved me, but it wasn't enough. I keep thinking what wrong did I do? Should I keep fighting and talking to him? Should I be the person who fights for love???
Or should I be concerned about my dignity?
To conclude, Love can be our greatest strength and our deepest weakness. Relationships are important because they make us feel stuff that we didn't know we would actually feel. Relationships teach us a lot, you will never be able to forget it, you just learn how to cope with the scar.
It's just نصيب.
Much love to you Asma.
To view the artwork, make sure to check the instagram page here
Photography by Asma Haddad aka Off To Venus ©
Wilted In Beauty
No matter how beautiful a plant is, someday at sometime it will wilt.
P.S I recommend to listen to this beautiful album while you are reading this, click here
I planted these Lentils back during the lockdown, most probably in April. It occurred to me that an old school project can be fun as an adult. I did it.
I took care of it, like really did. Slowly I stopped, I lost interest. I moved on .
It started wilting, so beautifully inside of my room.
I looked at it and said, it's just like us, wilting in this beautiful world.
The world is beautiful, the blue skies that leaves us mesmerized as the sun settles down. The sun that blesses us every day with its warmth, it gives you that hug that you need. The glaciers and snow that cools us down, and makes fun of us by turning our noses red. The trees, and forests that gives us oxygen, and food supply. The moon that helps the tide go back and forth, while the sea watches over us in the deep.
Have you ever, paused the moment, and looked how beautiful the world is?
how come, we wilted in beauty?
PLEASE VIEW THE FULL PROJECT HERE
Photography by Asma Haddad aka Off To Venus ©
Circles (part one) By Moe K.A
We are a dot in a world full of circles, our planet, our galaxy, our universe and our circle .
Even during our happiness and sadness, visually it has a circular shape.
Circles are one of the most complex forms to draw and understand, they have no beginning and no end , they are infinite.
Some circles are inevitable, we integrate with them to start forming our identity ,character ,and fundamentals such as our names , religion , nationality etc ..
Elsewhere are circles we coalesce through childhood , experience , and other people's circles. Those are varying while some people live in a basic circle, others are diving into complexity; and in a moment, they suddenly realize that they are a diminutive point trapped with irrational ideologies , beliefs , definitions and emotions that don't make any sense and thus the journey starts.
With the 3 W’s Agrippa’s trilemma becomes your friend and basic questions are not basic anymore.
Who am I?
What is the truth?
What is life?
How can I describe my emotions?
Your circles start to be chaotic and so does your life. Hence you start to explore different patterns , have indescribable emotions and dive into more complex shapes.
At this moment the circle is a shape you can define.
Literally Everything seems irrational and undefined ,words like lost , suffer , love , even you and I.
Do have a different meaning to me and I can’t explain since my circles are not like yours , my blue is not like yours and my life is not like yours and I’m not you.
Uniqueness start to blow,the only way to describe each individual is through their taste and creation in music and art , and that’s why we feel music and art differently from one circle to another.
Artwork: Circles by Moe K.A ©
To the man that i will never meet
On the 26th of June, the world have lost another amazing Graphic Designer, and this designer may not be known to you, but I appreciate him so much.
Here’s a little story of how I got to know him.
I was still at uni back then, and I had a class with one of my favorite instructors, and in that class we were given a list of famous designers to do a research and present them in-front of the whole department. I was at his office with my bestfriend, and on that day I told him I d o not know who to choose from the list because I didnt know most of them. On that day I was wearing my favorite tshirt, I ❤️ NY. He typed a name on his screen, and asked me if I know who this person is, I said no. All what my instructor did was click on the images option on Google, and there it was. I’m not gonna lie I felt very ashamed of myself at that moment, to not know who the designer is, of the most recognizable slogan on earth, I <3 NY the T-shirt I was wearing brought me to shame, but thanks to my instructor and thanks to that shame, it brought enlightened to me and introduced me to, Milton Glaser.
I did a whole research and a presentation about him, not only that though. Even Robb Janoff, the designer of the apple logo, called me by the name of the hoodie that I was wearing, which obviously was I ❤️ NY. He even had the chance to meet him once, how did I know? yea I asked him that question.
I got to make some online friends through my xboxb, that we always game together. When I got to know that they are from NY, first thing I told them of course my dream is it visit, and if I had the chance of ever meeting Milton Glasor.
The chance now is gone Milton, I will never meet you.
I swear to God it was just a coincidence that I was wearing the I ❤️ NY T-shirt the day of your death, but I believe it was fate/ or destiny because you meant a lot to me.
Thank you Instructor Shahrayar for giving me the honor of representing him.
This is just a tribute to you, to the man who inspires me, to the man who did simple thing matter, to the man who believed.
Thank You Milton.
Copyright: © 2014 Catalina Kulczar
THE BIGGER PICTURE
Sometimes I truly doubt if anyone reads my blog, because you know I’m not going to ask each and everyone of my friends to do so. As an act of support I expect everyone who follows me on my IG to like all of the 3 artworks and read my blog tbh, because that’s what I do do, whenever I see any of my friends posting something I like it, n sometimes I share it.
Knowing that no one is going to read this, some people who follow me silently no like no nothing, just watches my story. Which is honestly weird. Stalkers? Creeps? No idea but I do get the chills.
This is the topic of this blog, helping others but forgetting oneself in between.
Is a mystery.
We thrive to become the best version of ourselves.
We push others.
We help others.
But, in the overall picture and experience of life.
We forget ourselves.
Putting others above your own needs, is the most brutal thing you can ever do to yourself, you first then others.Some might say this is selfish, but did the “other” put you out first?
Ask yourself that question, when you are being in a tight spot, did he/she put you first or no?
If it’s going to be the fight of egos, then I highly recommend opening that damn door, and leave. P.S this example is for the people who have the tendency of saying yes to everything and putting others above themselves. Not for selfish/egoistic pricks who put themselves always first, and do not compensate for once. If you scratch their ego, enjoy the defense mechanism show.
Anyways, the bigger picture is something that we do not always see, and most of the times its related to fate. We go with the flow, but we we have to work for that flow to be stable. It’s nice sometimes to go for adventures, yet trust me when I say that each decision you make affects you for the next 5 years. Make sure to build your life wisely, since the upcoming years do not look the most welcoming.
It’s nice to help other, it gives you that type of satisfaction that you’ve done something. It’s nice to push them to a better version of themselves. We all have that one blind spot, and if there’s someone around us who cares and notices it and advices us to be careful, then you are lucky to have that person in your life. Just make sure to not waste their time if they advice you, and you already know that deep down you won’t change/do the mistake again.
Because, honestly? That effort should be put on themselves if the person receiving is not planning to take it. If the receiving is also a person who only likes to receive with no giving back, then what’s the point?
In the end, life is all about giving, and getting back. Yes, we all expect favors. A favor for a favor, right? So do yourself a favor and favor yourself, by giving yourself the time to understand your problems, buy that book that you wanted, reply to that message that you\be been ignoring, and you know self isolate for a better quality of you? Maybe?
Put yourself first.
Bigger picture shows itself late, so be prepared.
Work on yourself.
There’s only you, for you.
Illustration by Asma Haddad ©
Why not social media distancing too?
Look at us here in facing this virus while we are at home, and to be honest I couldn’t ask for more.
I have always enjoyed staying in my room, I dont’ know about you but I have a lot of things to do, and trust me when I say I enjoy my own company the most, even when it's on something that is very negative.
Yet, what we are facing too is a whole another thing, and that thing is called “ Attention Seekers “. Which lead me honestly to not only practice Social Distancing ( which was already in practice) but to also practice Social Media Distancing.
It’s always a good idea to refresh yourself up by staying away unfortunately from everyone, because sometimes you can’t truly identify the toxic source.
Around you, you will have the dramatic friend,the who makes things seems super big friend, the one who thinks the world revolve around him/her, the attention seeker, the spoiled one, the egoistic one, and imagine having them all joined in one friend (God forbid).
You know what’s in common with all these “friend(s)”, these, let’s say traits, are all toxic.
This is why now, and I’m gonna repeat yes NOW, take this opportunity to social distance in life, and social media distance for some time, at least for a day.
Let me share something with you, about myself.
Social Media and I kinda have that very complicated relationship, I’m very on and off about it, but you see my job actually revolves around it. I truly go days and weeks without bothering and checking on it. I can indulge in my video game or do something I’m passionate about and forget about the whole world, you know zen/ikigai kinda thing.
Thus the reason I went totally off on my personal account, is because I know I don’t need anyones validation, I do not need to check for who viewed my story, I do not need to share something about something I love just because I want people to know that I love this? (If that makes any sense), and finally share something just because you mean it to another person you have on mind.
Or you can do whatever you like on your account/life, I’m not implementing this on anyone, just a recommendation, experience and point of view from a person behind this screen.
I highly believe we are all grownup by this time, and we truly need to not only cleanse this virus but cleanse ourselves too.
Take a deep breathe, ease in your mind and heart, cleanse, exhale!
Stay safe, stay home, enjoy you, help you, love you, and be you.
illustration by Asma Haddad ©
No, I am not gonna talk about the COVID 19, because I believe you've already heard the news, got a notification on Twitter, or your friend already updated you.
What am gonna talk about is influence, which sadly, the bad influence tends to impact precious people.
Unless that was their true-self, and just now you got the chance to witness it.
2019 was impactful enough, 2020 has its plans & games.
Hence why someone would change not for the better, but the worse.
You start noticing small things, them questioning, them interfering, and of course the talk behind your back.
You start ignoring, why?
Because you are looking ahead, the whole talk behind your back, IS WHY THEY ARE BEHIND, and you are ahead.
They ask you things, they do not apply to themselves, and wear masks, every day they use a new mask.
Thus, why you try your best, to not interact, and stay away.
But, when you see someone that wasn't like that, it is turning to something like that is what's sad.
Again, as mentioned before, maybe? just a maybe... they were originally like that?
Yet, you were blinded, with one of their masks? or here's a better idea, you knew but you didn't
want to label them with it.
As Bishopp mentioned, "I'm sick of slippery stuff"
Of course, we can always overcome any obstacles, and just leave them behind, and keep moving forward.
Life is a canvas, and my job is to fill it with art.
Art that I was born to do, and embed it with creativity.
It's just a chapter everyone, self develop you, and keep doing you.
Miss you all and love ya :)
IT WAS TIME TO COMMIT SUICIDE.
A taboo topic for most, but a topic that should be opened and more considered.
Mental health is an issue.
Don’t you dare and fight me about it.
Someone who considerers suicide should not be taken lightly, because once they have gone, don’t cry me those tears. Keep them just like you kept everything else.
We are in an era that depression is becoming very toxic, but some can fight it, while others take time to heal.
God is the only one who knows how many times a person did try to end his/her own life.
God is the only one who knows how many times he/she prayed for their death.
God is the only one who heard the cries of just wanting to hear silence inside of his/her head.
As we shared the stories on Instagram at @offtovenus
The three artists who committed suicide series.
I asked a question: Do all artists commit suicide?
This is why this blog is going to be exclusively about Artists & Suicide.
Should always be your answer, because guess what you can’t speak in the name of others other than yourself, but even if asked about your own opinion, you should give an answer that would still keep a door open. Why? look again at the question.
In my opinion, I believe not all of them go for suicide, but it did appear as an idea during their lifetime, if not doing it, or done it already (rip).
You see Art is not something that you learn, if you are born with the talent, then Art chose you. You can’t choose it, it chooses you.
Art is very expressive, this is why if you look at how artists style changes over time. How they are feeling at the current moment is what you will see on the canvas, and some have that feeling since they were kids.
The hardest thing artists can go through is miscommunication and misunderstanding. both of which lead to depression. They use art as a way of communicating with the world, because the world is very different in their eyes, in their visions, and their visuals.
Therefore, an artist is a human, but a hardcore human.
In the end, I truly hope all artists get a glimpse of happiness during their lifetime.
As for you, the reader if you have friends who are seriously depressed or going through something, it never hurts to ask.
Things truly can change within a short period of time, and the only person who can make this change is you.
Life can be hard and tough most Days, and we even doubt a bad omen is going to happen if we slightly feel happy. We can feel The Morrigan watching.
Just as she shape shifts to help the warriors win the war, you gotta do the same.
No matter how much your light was dimmed, always remember a Phoenix will always gets revived back as long as there’s a flicker of fire left. Same goes for you, as long as you are still breathing. Your head will always be above your shoulder, hold it high.
There’s no need for a reason, what your eyes have seen and your ears have heard can be more than enough, God is the only one who knows what’s inside someone’s heart, but you do have instinct that tells you, it’s time.
Vibes and Auras, are something that a lot of you tend to not look upon. All I can say is you gotta watch these very carefully, even if it meant for someone to say that you look cautious, because yes You should forever be cautious into what you are stepping yourself into.
Life is not a game, but you gotta gamble. Learn a strategy to win, even if it meant sacrifices and taking risks more often. One move changes the whole timeline, but how you deal with the move is all based upon how you play.
Life changes within a night, not that much of a big change, but with one simple step you can feel the change.
Your whole mood stars boosting up, and you feel that temporary punctuality in your day, then the next step that you have to take is making it a lifestyle, not a routine, and start enjoying it.
As you start grasping the life surrounding you and feel you’re on top of the world.
That’s when you know the fuckining is coming. Lol just kidding.
Keep positive is what I would say, but I do not see myself as the person fitting to say that. But, what I would say is just be thankful to God, to the fact that you at least have a rood on top of your head, and always remember the blessings that you have.
a small one but just a thought that I wanted to pass on, a reminder.
the change was hard
but it's in our blood
Every day I say to myself that today is the day that am gonna change, or start with something. Despite that procrastinate is a serious issue.
Wasting our time on meaningless things is what our parents will yell at us with, but maybe to us, it means a lot.
Recently I moved back to Jeddah because in case you’re wondering, yes I did graduate from Uni with a B.A in Visual Arts & Visual Communication Design.
A lot of you have asked me why I’m not blogging or why I didn’t blog enough on my last semester.
Well to be honest with all of you, I keep going on and off in social media, but my notebook was always in my hand. The big one at home, while the small one was always with me.
I wrote many and plenty, but the whole processes of sitting behind a laptop screen and typing is hectic. This is why I somehow started to go to short poems that I share on my twitter. I’m not gonna share what happened last semester in this blog, but by the time I’m gonna share all that I wrote, and by the way I sometimes publish on my blog without making any announcements.
Seeing that I’ve been off social media or even off everything, all that I’m doing is watching TV Shows, but mostly Anime's, to the point I’m currently rewatching Naruto for the 4th time.
The way this show is written, the way it’s projected. Everything about Naruto is just amazing and you can never get bored of it. Boruto can never reach its level, and no don’t try to fight me about that.
Anyways for now you can say this is a little bit of an update about me.
P.S what’s your favorite anime?
Share in the comments.
in the memory off the beauty
that lies within the chaos
the city that taught me a lot
how to be hard and harsh
how to be sweet and nice
sweeping within the negativity
and denying the positivity
four years of war within yourself
iam finally raising the white flag
iam leaving a part of my brain
and my heart,
Famagusta iam finally saying my
goodbyes, and all I can say
is I love you full heartedly
as iam sitting at gloria
the place where I almost
the novels that where written
the poetry that people thought of
sipping their coffees
boys watching the girls,
while they slayed their looks
with confidence (that i wish i had)
each person had a
from the others
while they all had still
laughed at stupid
to be honest this time
is the hardest time
of my entire life.
Photo courtesy of Asma Haddad ©
I woke up one day on a sunny morning, and I questioned myself.
Why do we tend to feel good whenever we feel the sunlight!
Is it because the sun is the main source of energy for this world!
Or is it something we are mechanized to feel?
The happy beats makes us cheerful.
Although sad songs makes us sorrowful.
A smile from a friend can bring us joy.
While a flower will make our day.
we tend to try our best to conceal these emotions. WHY?
because we think that it is the right thing to do. WHY?
it’s almost like a weakness to show your emotions. WHY?
or maybe we just think we are cool that way. WHY?
most likely we read something online. WHY?
it’s just a fucked up society.
Just like how we use concealer to hide dark circles, or a pimple that popped up in the middle of our forehead. We just want to hide, and cover our faces, hearts, and souls. Sometimes whenever I listen to old opening/ending themes of cartoons I’ve watched when I was young, and think to myself “what happened?”. To be honest with each and everyone of you who’s reading, I never really thought that it would be really this fucked up when I grow up. But, one thing that I was pretty sure off, is the fact that I’m fucked up.
Everyday before I sleep, I always ask myself “why?”. I never get an answer, because obviously the wall on my right, and the ceiling won’t reply back. I don’t even want to know the answer, I just conceal them inside of me, and keep them in the back of my head.
Why do we feel good whenever we have a productive day? Achieved something?
Why do we feel that we are born for something? For a certain purpose ?
Many questions will be asked, but let’s be honest to one another. There’re no definite answer. BUT, it’s unquestionable that some steps lead you to something, and BAM! it’s that thing. That THING that makes you happy or your heart clinches so hard, even the opposite. Instinct? hunch? no idea, it’s just there.
The problem is, concealing. I think that before I point my fingers on anyone, I might be the biggest concealer, and a person that lives in a bubble.
Because, it’s just a very harsh world to begin with, and not everyone is actually living in harmony of sharing their real emotions etc.
I call it “The State Of Concealed Hierarchy of Emotions”.
There’s that bubble, that is very hard to pop.
I think it will never pop.
But, certain actions, and things make it open up a little.
We just want to stay concealed, I guess.
just a reminder to everyone, you are not a doormat.
Photo courtesy of Asma Haddad ©
I'm not gonna say it was an extremely long break, but it was an oddly unthinkable one, that became a part of my life all of a sudden. A break from somehow social media I decided to take, for one sole purpose, to test myself.
The last story I ever shared on Instagram or snapchat was on the 4th of April, even though I did by mistake share twice on snapchat, yet when I noticed I deleted them. To be honest, snapchat is almost dead, with all of these unnecessary updates. Now let’s get back to why I tested myself, and testing is something I tend to do very often.
Some people come to me and tell me that they enjoy my SC & IG snap/stories, while some other tend to use them as a way to stalking and checking where I am, where I’ve been etc. Another thing some of them won’t even say hello, and just check the stories for God knows what purposes they have. Don’t you guys think that we’ve become a very shallow society?
The whole thing of sharing stories is something that we’ve become very addicted to. We just want to show where we are, who we are, how creative/uncreative we are, look at me how cool I am, check how hot/sexy I am, check my abs, and how much I splurge, blah blah blah.
Didn’t the stories become just a routine that we have to check almost every day (including myself)? Caring how many people saw it, and especially if certain people did see it. It became a way of us sending a salty message to someone or even let’s say throwing some shade in a silent visual way.
I woke up one day and decided am not showing anything. After few weeks people though I blocked them, while others asked if am okay. To be honest I was sharing some private snaps to people who are very close to my heart. I mean come on, some stories can’t be missed.
I have no idea if am going to go back into sharing stories or snaps publicly, it’s merely the fact that I’m enjoying the privacy that I am having, and let’s be honest Jeddah is somehow boring. It’s not like I’m with my friends 24/7, or am even capable of opening the door and leaving whenever I want. So most of the snaps/stories are all about my Xbox, and coffee.
I really am so sorry for not always updating my blog, but a lot has been going on. Mentally and physically exhausted. It’s hard for me to stay on track, and keep focused. Yet, now that it is summer, it’s the summer of change. (binge-watching friends all over again in case you’re interesting, very productive eh?)
"It Got Me Thinking" - Illustration by Asma Haddad ©
What was it?
All of these questions I asked myself during the past weekend, a weekend like no other, 16th,17, and 18th of March I had the very first experience of camping in Cyprus. To be honest, it was the best weekend I ever had, but during that time, I tried my to spend some of the time alone, because you can only start thinking whenever you’re alone.
We had an extreme hike, it was for 30-39km. We traveled from place to another, all by using our feet only. It really was wonderful, and very challenging. I really learned new things, experiences, met new people, and overall had a superb time. These are the answers to the very first question “What was it”.
An escape from reality, and as the organizer said: "we escaped from civilization”. It really hit me hard the thought and the fact that I’m not in the city anymore, and I’m nowhere capable to escape this place (the place where we camped is called Karpaz). Did I escape from the city? from the people? or from the world? I started questioning myself, and not finding any answers, my head is so blurred, and my thoughts were very messed up. Till this day I just can’t get myself to work. Yet I discovered that I really needed this escape, to refocus & readjust myself.
Was it’s sole purpose for meditating? It was extremely adventurous and tough for some, but for me, it was for meditation. Challenges especially hard physical ones meditate me because through them I forget my surrounds and just focus on how much my body can give. Is it up for the challenge that it’s facing or not. Is it going to betray me or not? I’ve always been a physical person and likes all kind of sports, and I’ve always known that activity is my meditation. Is this why yoga was invented? I don't know.
The moment some of us hear the word camping, our minds immediately see it equivalent to adventure. The word adventure doesn't necessarily mean that it’s specifically for physical adventures. As a person who has OCD tendencies, it was quite an adventure to challenge myself and go through all the dirt, and having to use the mother nature for certain purposes. I learned that I can overcome anything, which was quite adventurous to forget about your home, and just live as one with nature.
At some point I would leave everyone and go sit alone, or even head up in-front and like just a few steps away from the organizer/leader. I wanted these solo moments, more like I needed them. I'm a big believer is solitude, I’m a loner, and will always be one. I’ve learned that I live for independence, to the point were at some point I discovered that I don’t even need anyone. I’m a big girl, and after this camp, I really started believing in myself. The calmness, that you feel when you’re sitting alone, the sound of your surroundings, noises from others, and just enjoying your own company. Solitude is my biggest privilege that I've always appreciated and enjoyed.
The desire you feel, from the place, is astonishing. I didn’t even want to go back. I know that the word desire has been stained with the sexual desire context, but the desire to live means a lot to me. The desire of understanding your friends more, the desire of weak a friend can be and learn about a whole new face. The desire of meeting new people, the desire of how accepting & understanding people can be, and finally the desire of helping one another. You see most of us forget that the word desire can fit in more context, than the sexual ones. I love desire.
In the end, I learned that I was trying my best to keep myself inside a very unsafe box. There’s a very big world standing right in front each one of us. Believe in yourself, and in your body. Thrive for solitude, and start your journey. Best regards.
Photo courtesy of Asma Haddad ©
My Zarathustra; the Light Bearer
rejoice you fools
the moon devours the skies
when goats kill wolves
lucifer holds up the universe
on his shoulders
the Nephilim lives
so take flight my brothers
the fork is broken
and it's raining angels
the dead weep in their graves
and cry out “god is dead”
so open the gates of hades
and let the beast roam free.
Psykhe is free and cupid is dead.
Mahakali sharpens her blade
as we sacrifice minions on the alters of the new age.
death shines his beacon
a star that sets the skies in flames
so carve your path through the herd
and ascend this rotten shell.
wear your heart on your sleeve and stand strong
the leviathan’s on our side!!
The concept and message behind this piece is mainly influenced by Nietzche’s philosophy , ancient mythology and some of my own theories and ideas , so i’ve compiled a playlist of videos to get you started.
Mythology refrences :
Nephilim: they were the offspring of the “sons of god” and the "daughters of men" before the deluge ( flood myth) , according to the bible.
Psykhe: the goddess of the soul , she was the wife of “cupid” the god of love”:
Cupid: the god of live , Psykhe’s husband , he was told to kill her my venus but fell in love with her and hid her away .
Mahakali: the hindu goddess of time and death , she was also called the “Mother”.
Poem & info are all exclusively for Waddah Wafai ©
Photo courtesy of Mohammed Dwiek ©
SHORT SERIES: SOUL
I poured my soul into written words
since I was young
even though I might have not
written them grammatically correct
yet they were understood
because they were nothing
but utter truth
spilled from my soul.
IN MEMORY OF
People start mentioning your goods after you die.
They notice the pieces you left.
You just become notably famous.
Something I’ve noticed in the life of most Artists.
I asked myself why?
Why do we only know about a person only after their death?
Is it because of the collected memories?
Or is it because when people loose someone dear to them they start only mentioning the goods?
Why do we go corrupted when we loose someone.
I lost that someone.
Someone who may have not know how much she meant for me.
She was what kept the whole family sane.
What a loving mother should women aspire to be like.
Hearing her laughter & jokes, because she always loved people’s smile.
She accepted everyone, and always had her door open.
She would always cook for the whole family, because she didn’t want anyone to sayhe/she are hungry.
She was always a very respectful person, who always had manners in regards of visiting the sick, mourn for the dead, and celebrate with everyone during their happy moments.
Beautiful inside out.
No matter how much I would describe her, it won’t be enough.
Your soul will always be with me.
May you rest in peace my dear Grandma Aziza.
I still till now can’t believe it, I can already feel how you will welcome us whenever we knock the door.
I can hear your laughter, inside of my head.
I am really sorry my dear grandma, I know that I was not always near you, and I didn’t show you that much love.
But, I swear to God, that you meant the world to me. For me, you were what kept this world balanced for your love to everyone.
You see my grandma was my artist.
Another day, another night.
Here you’re writing in your journal, for the sake of letting things go, because sometimes you’re overloaded, and you have nowhere to go.
So you just open, and search for a blank page in that journal of yours, to fill it with all of your feelings, and emotions. Two things that you always try your best to hide, because you’re scared of rejection, or for just being too weird for the others to handle.
You’re not asking for anything. All that you want is acceptance, and a little bit of understanding.
You sit, all alone, as per usual.
In that dark room of yours, listening to music, while having your insides fighting. From your brain that is filled with thoughts to your heart giving up on life day by day, while your stomach is too sensitive to all whats surrounding it. Instead of paying any attention to them, you start lying to yourself by saying that everything will be okay, or it’s alright.
You go back to reality and check how’s the weather.
To your surprise nothing have changed, even though you kept hoping for a change but nothing did. The same thing over, and over again. Instead, it’s becoming worse.
You realize that you’ll never be accepted for who you’re, you’ll never be even seen as a fellow human who has a soul, feelings, and emotions.
So you go back to your room in the hope that you can find something that can at least accept you as you’re, but nothing.
You’re the only thing with a soul in your room.
We as humans need interaction with each other; this is why some people even adopt pets for the sake of having another soul in the room.
But here again, you’re alone in that small world of yours, that dreams to be big, and have everyone inside, because you can’t take how lonely it is.
Even during your happy moments, when you’re supposed to be the happiest in the world, it has to be ruined. You reach a point where you start doubting your whole existence.
What scares you is how easy the thought of an easy way out, comes to your mind.
You start searching for distraction because even though you’ve been through so much, you still believe that there’s still more for you.
Nevertheless, your feelings are dead; your emotions are slowly vanishing as soon as you open the door to that dark room of yours.
Photo courtesy of Asma Haddad ©
TRAIL & ERROR
As you can see if you noticed, I’ve been updating my blog quite often. I’m even planning to do a full series for a week, which means every day there’s going to be a blog, but before we start with that one, I want to post this blog that I’ve written back during 17th summer.
Without further due, let’s move into the topic.
Did any of you ever hear of Trial&Error? Well apparently some did, some didn’t.
Let’s start with the meaning.
: finding out the best way to reach a desired result or career solution by trying out one or more methods or means and by noting and eliminating errors or causes of failure.
Let’s summarize it.
The trying of one thing or another until something succeeds.
There are always specific behaviors; sometimes we do them out of habit, or under particular circumstances. Over here we will mention few behaviors that we should try to eliminate or let’s say reduce.
Y’all need to chill for God’s sake and stop judging every single person that walks right past you. I mean judging is somehow like karma, the more you judge, the more people will judge you.
Judging others sometimes just shows how insecure we are about ourselves. I’m not saying that am an angel that doesn’t judge others, I do judge, and am trying to stop that habit. Trust me you will be capable of sleeping peacefully the moment you stop bothering yourself in every single thing surrounding you.
I’ve come to notice, that the less we judge, the happier we are. I have quite an experience this past semester, with people judging me due to hearing the one side of the story, and then the moment they hear the other part, they realize how mistaken they were for judging too early. But, notice they still took the effort to digging more and hearing the other side. You see we have no idea why does that person look like shit today, maybe he woke up late and rushed? We have no idea why she’s wearing those clothes, backside wardrobe clothes? Due to an excessive amount of laundry that has to be washed??
You see we have no idea what is going on with the other side. Try instead of judging, try understanding.
Unfortunately for this behavior, I had to learn it the hard way. I had to learn how to keep myself calm because I don’t get angry, I rage. Not only me, most of us do, but after some experience here and there, I have learned that there’s a different type of anger. Some people are more like easily pissed, which leads to immediate anger. While others are the type that gets angry, but don’t show it until it keeps building up, and then it turns into rage. It takes quite some time to hold your composure in a tough situation, but let me give this trick.
Put this in your head; nothing deserves in this world for you to get angry at, you’re a human being that is worth much better, and much more. He? She? Who do they think they are? Don’t feed em the anger, they want. You know what pisses someone the most? Cold treatment. Ohh my cold little heart.
Just let it go, and don’t bother with everything around you, I mean come on. Life is short, for us to worry about every little detail here and there. Trust me again; you’re the only one who will get a headache. SO just let silly things go.
You see anger is not always the solution, instead try to stay silent in tough situations, because silence speaks more than words.
Laziness is something we all face nowadays, and most of us can’t even understand how. It just comes sometimes for a day, week, month, and year. Or let’s say some of us are just born that way. But, here’s the thing would lay on the bed all day long get you anywhere? Are you going to achieve anything other than hurting you back, or your body being overall numb? Some of us even gain weight, due to overeating while binge watching. Let’s face it; we need to move our asses to achieve great things, now or late, we need to be more active and motivated. Even if we can’t find it now, it’s all about thriving for finding this treasure. We need to move forward, instead of laying back and watching things move while we are still idle.
Read, watch, make, draw, create, etc. Things that would help you to make you a better person, for yourself before others, or society. Are you sure that you want to leave this world without anything on your record? Idolizing lazinesses is nothing but a failure, for us. We need to start supporting each other and make this world a better place.
You see Idleness is just a status that you can always change, into busy because you have work to do.
In conclusion, as you can see, I was trying to use different methods on how we can change things, which happen to be behaviors. We can’t give up that easily, guys we are the future. Believe in yourselves, support yourself, and tap your shoulder now and then. Because you deserve it.
Photo courtesy of Parry Green.
I know that I don't tend to post photos of me, but yes this person in the picture, is the person behind this website.