Another day, another night.
Here you’re writing in your journal, for the sake of letting things go, because sometimes you’re overloaded, and you have nowhere to go.
So you just open, and search for a blank page in that journal of yours, to fill it with all of your feelings, and emotions. Two things that you always try your best to hide, because you’re scared of rejection, or for just being too weird for the others to handle.
You’re not asking for anything. All that you want is acceptance, and a little bit of understanding.
You sit, all alone, as per usual.
In that dark room of yours, listening to music, while having your insides fighting. From your brain that is filled with thoughts to your heart giving up on life day by day, while your stomach is too sensitive to all whats surrounding it. Instead of paying any attention to them, you start lying to yourself by saying that everything will be okay, or it’s alright.
You go back to reality and check how’s the weather.
To your surprise nothing have changed, even though you kept hoping for a change but nothing did. The same thing over, and over again. Instead, it’s becoming worse.
You realize that you’ll never be accepted for who you’re, you’ll never be even seen as a fellow human who has a soul, feelings, and emotions.
So you go back to your room in the hope that you can find something that can at least accept you as you’re, but nothing.
You’re the only thing with a soul in your room.
We as humans need interaction with each other; this is why some people even adopt pets for the sake of having another soul in the room.
But here again, you’re alone in that small world of yours, that dreams to be big, and have everyone inside, because you can’t take how lonely it is.
Even during your happy moments, when you’re supposed to be the happiest in the world, it has to be ruined. You reach a point where you start doubting your whole existence.
What scares you is how easy the thought of an easy way out, comes to your mind.
You start searching for distraction because even though you’ve been through so much, you still believe that there’s still more for you.
Nevertheless, your feelings are dead; your emotions are slowly vanishing as soon as you open the door to that dark room of yours.
Photo courtesy of Asma Haddad ©
TRAIL & ERROR
As you can see if you noticed, I’ve been updating my blog quite often. I’m even planning to do a full series for a week, which means every day there’s going to be a blog, but before we start with that one, I want to post this blog that I’ve written back during 17th summer.
Without further due, let’s move into the topic.
Did any of you ever hear of Trial&Error? Well apparently some did, some didn’t.
Let’s start with the meaning.
: finding out the best way to reach a desired result or career solution by trying out one or more methods or means and by noting and eliminating errors or causes of failure.
Let’s summarize it.
The trying of one thing or another until something succeeds.
There are always specific behaviors; sometimes we do them out of habit, or under particular circumstances. Over here we will mention few behaviors that we should try to eliminate or let’s say reduce.
Y’all need to chill for God’s sake and stop judging every single person that walks right past you. I mean judging is somehow like karma, the more you judge, the more people will judge you.
Judging others sometimes just shows how insecure we are about ourselves. I’m not saying that am an angel that doesn’t judge others, I do judge, and am trying to stop that habit. Trust me you will be capable of sleeping peacefully the moment you stop bothering yourself in every single thing surrounding you.
I’ve come to notice, that the less we judge, the happier we are. I have quite an experience this past semester, with people judging me due to hearing the one side of the story, and then the moment they hear the other part, they realize how mistaken they were for judging too early. But, notice they still took the effort to digging more and hearing the other side. You see we have no idea why does that person look like shit today, maybe he woke up late and rushed? We have no idea why she’s wearing those clothes, backside wardrobe clothes? Due to an excessive amount of laundry that has to be washed??
You see we have no idea what is going on with the other side. Try instead of judging, try understanding.
Unfortunately for this behavior, I had to learn it the hard way. I had to learn how to keep myself calm because I don’t get angry, I rage. Not only me, most of us do, but after some experience here and there, I have learned that there’s a different type of anger. Some people are more like easily pissed, which leads to immediate anger. While others are the type that gets angry, but don’t show it until it keeps building up, and then it turns into rage. It takes quite some time to hold your composure in a tough situation, but let me give this trick.
Put this in your head; nothing deserves in this world for you to get angry at, you’re a human being that is worth much better, and much more. He? She? Who do they think they are? Don’t feed em the anger, they want. You know what pisses someone the most? Cold treatment. Ohh my cold little heart.
Just let it go, and don’t bother with everything around you, I mean come on. Life is short, for us to worry about every little detail here and there. Trust me again; you’re the only one who will get a headache. SO just let silly things go.
You see anger is not always the solution, instead try to stay silent in tough situations, because silence speaks more than words.
Laziness is something we all face nowadays, and most of us can’t even understand how. It just comes sometimes for a day, week, month, and year. Or let’s say some of us are just born that way. But, here’s the thing would lay on the bed all day long get you anywhere? Are you going to achieve anything other than hurting you back, or your body being overall numb? Some of us even gain weight, due to overeating while binge watching. Let’s face it; we need to move our asses to achieve great things, now or late, we need to be more active and motivated. Even if we can’t find it now, it’s all about thriving for finding this treasure. We need to move forward, instead of laying back and watching things move while we are still idle.
Read, watch, make, draw, create, etc. Things that would help you to make you a better person, for yourself before others, or society. Are you sure that you want to leave this world without anything on your record? Idolizing lazinesses is nothing but a failure, for us. We need to start supporting each other and make this world a better place.
You see Idleness is just a status that you can always change, into busy because you have work to do.
In conclusion, as you can see, I was trying to use different methods on how we can change things, which happen to be behaviors. We can’t give up that easily, guys we are the future. Believe in yourselves, support yourself, and tap your shoulder now and then. Because you deserve it.
Photo courtesy of Parry Green.
I know that I don't tend to post photos of me, but yes this person in the picture, is the person behind this website.
My 6th semester just finished, and it feels super weird. It was like a flash, as I am right now sitting on the plane heading back home, it just feels like I’m actually about to go to my University from summer vacation. Everything was rapid, I don’t even know how to handle it. Now that I just finished my junior year, and am about to be a senior, it just feels sad. I’m not very happy about it, yet shit is real, and life has to move on.
As I mentioned to my bestie Ann a few days back, that this semester was my second favorite out of all the entire semesters, I have spent over there. It was loud, and quite. Ups and downs. Solitude and fellowship. Experience and ignorance. Work and dormancy. Aggression and pacifism. These are just a few words that describe how the semester went.
I had visions, not about aliens, not about the future, but ideas of how my projects should look like. I have finally become one with my field, I have finally started to think visually like pro Illustrators. Not on the same level, but I did do few works, where I just had the idea in my head, sketched, and then ta-da it’s digital. I have always had a thing for computer graphics, I’ve always believed that Art is my thing, this is why I never swayed, or even turned my eyes to anything else. In case you don’t know, I’m currently majoring in Visual Arts and Visual Communication Design.
Now here’s the thing one of the projects, that I have done is called Citizens of the World. I believe that some of you only bothered, to open this site, just to grab their photos, and you have every right too. Guess what? Even though I’m writing this on the 13th of Jan, but it will be uploaded Inchallah on the 15th just as promised. As you are reading this, if your picture was taken, please go to the Work page, which you can find it up on top of the page. You will see your picture there, and if you want it in color, please email me with your picture in small size, then I will email you the colored one.
It all starts with a push, not from anyone, but from yourself. You are the only one who can push yourself to do something. Even if you did something to someone else, you do it because “you” love them, and you don’t want anything in return. You just act that way because you appreciate, what you have for them. Respect is something that is very rare nowadays but let me tell you this. I recently discovered that sometimes I do things not out of respect to the person, but out of me respecting my feelings towards that person. You see, you need to start seeing your inner being, and start understanding who you are from the inside out. Bring peace to yourself, by your salutations to yourself.
I’m sorry for always talking about “you,” yourself, and oneself. However, I’ve noticed recently that most of us forgot the fact that the society is making us drift from who we indeed are, and what purpose we wanted to do. It’s like we are all in this void, forgetting to put time for ourselves, and discover our real potential.
I guess this is it for now, and by the way, this was the very first time I ever write any of my blogs on the computer immediately, without any paper draft. I guess technology will be taking over me soon; I hope not.
Until next blog...
Photo courtesy of Asma Haddad ©
To reach me, scroll down and you will find 3 icons to your bottom right side. My email will be the best way to reach me, believe it or not I rarely open message from Facebook, or Twitter. Good luck, and thank you to all the participants.
YOU, YES YOU.
There’s something so beautiful about _______________.
I wrote this statement a while back on Facebook, yet no one could fill it.
There’s something so beautiful about sitting alone.
The very first step you take as your stomach is growling for food and your brain is in desperate need of coffee.
You look around for some of your friends to accompany you, but then they are very busy. So you decide to take a bigger step and go to the restaurant alone.
As you’re walking there, you start having a lot of doubts, and insecurity starts hitting you up. What are people going to say, if any of them I know saw me sitting alone, what are they going to think? How would I look like to the society? A loner? Pathetic? Anti-Social?
You still buckle yourself up and reach the restaurant, you hold the tray get some food, a drink and you’re done. Now comes the hard which is sitting, most of the single people will search for the most cornered table, and sit there, all alone.
Can you imagine how beautiful this is for me?
Indulging in the society without having anyone else around, you in your world, gazing at everyone, thinking about many things that are inside of your head. Trying to connect the dots on every table that is occupied within that small space. Attempting to understand what is going on around you, watching people come and go. Eating slowly, while sipping your drink, hearing your mouth as it is doing the action. Isn’t that just you, a cell, in this big world?
Sometimes you put your earphones on, to listen to music, or like me a podcast. If you want to have the full experience you need to not listen to anything other than the real world. Feel the air as it hits, people talking, the clicking of the forks, the sound “KA-CHAK” as they place their coffee back on the tables. Enjoy every moment, and every sound you hear.
Don’t worry about if people will judge you or not because even if they did let’s say, is it gonna change anything for you? Is it gonna solve the whole idea of the dark matter? It will do nothing more nothing less. Society is nothing; you’re everything.
Believe in yourself, start by understanding who you’re, spend some time alone with yourself. Because “you” what matters the most. So what if you’re sitting alone? Can’t a person enjoy their own company? Of course, you can.
Sitting alone can boost your self-confidence, because when you understand “you” there’s a lot of magical things will happen. Have faith and believe in yourself.
Because “you” will always
be there for “you.”
Photo courtesy of Asma Haddad ©
hello there 2018
and my kisses shall say my goodbyes to 2017
What a year, 2017 for me it already started in the weirdest way possible, yet thank God I still survived, in a way or another.
As everyone says, it was a rollercoaster, and indeed it was.
I went through many episodes, of all kinds.
Different phases, different moods, various friends, and different people.
I had a lot of “ change of mind “ kind of thoughts, for example, I always used to think that age plays a significant role of how mature a person can be, but thanks to some of you for proving me wrong.
I got betrayed, and stabbed in the back (Julius Cesar kind of thing), multiple times too.
I got good grades and bad grades.
I got into a one-sided “fight,” reassure the fight is not from my side.
I had the chance to work for the very first time in my entire life.
I got to know my twin too.
Unfortunately, I cannot share everything. But here’s what I’ve learned.
First things first, know who you trust.
Trust plays a huge factor in any important kind of ______ship. Know who you surround yourself with, can you bluntly say things out loud, or would the next morning be breaking news for you?
I know that sometimes we can’t help ourselves but overthink things like a million times per second. We need to learn the art of not giving a fuck, and just letting things go. But, don't’ let serious things go, I’m talking about silly and stupid things, stuff that won’t benefit you in any way. Life is too short to waste your brain cells on stupid shit.
This took me years to learn how to hold my composure, yet it was worth every sweat and tear. Holding oneself, from emotion to everything is very hard, even though you might mess it up sometimes because you’re a human being, and we make mistakes. But, let me give you a hint, learn how to stay calm, it helps.
The list can go on and on, yet as some of these trending memes say, I still got problems from 2012, but a bitch ain’t one.
2018 have already entered, and for some reason, I don’t feel good about it. But I still gotta stay wide awake and accept or decline things as they are.
One of my resolutions is to read 24 books; I have a blank canvas to fill up.
I guess the second is to be a stronger person, dare to be different.
The third would be to put my work and studies as my priority.
In the end, I would like to thank my viewers and those who bother to read what I write. Special thanks to those who stood by my side during my breakdowns ( you know yourselves). Thank you too for those who thought they humiliated me ;). Thank you Mom and Dad, and thank you God for everything <3. Thank you 2017 for teaching me a very valid lesson: Try to turn your head back every once in a while, and check how’s the weather there.