What was it?
an escape?
Meditation?
Adventure?
Solitude?
Desire?

     All of these questions I asked myself during the past weekend, a weekend like no other, 16th,17, and 18th of March I had the very first experience of camping in Cyprus. To be honest, it was the best weekend I ever had, but during that time, I tried my to spend some of the time alone, because you can only start thinking whenever you’re alone.

     We had an extreme hike, it was for 30-39km. We traveled from place to another, all by using our feet only. It really was wonderful, and very challenging. I really learned new things, experiences, met new people, and overall had a superb time. These are the answers to the very first question “What was it”.

     An escape from reality, and as the organizer said: "we escaped from civilization”. It really hit me hard the thought and the fact that I’m not in the city anymore, and I’m nowhere capable to escape this place (the place where we camped is called Karpaz). Did I escape from the city? from the people? or from the world? I started questioning myself, and not finding any answers, my head is so blurred, and my thoughts were very messed up. Till this day I just can’t get myself to work. Yet I discovered that I really needed this escape, to refocus & readjust myself.

     Was it’s sole purpose for meditating? It was extremely adventurous and tough for some, but for me, it was for  meditation. Challenges especially hard physical ones meditate me because through them I forget my surrounds and just focus on how much my body can give. Is it up for the challenge that it’s facing or not. Is it going to betray me or not? I’ve always been a physical person and likes all kind of sports, and I’ve always known that activity is my meditation. Is this why yoga was invented? I don't know. 

     The moment some of us hear the word camping, our minds immediately see it equivalent to adventure. The word adventure doesn't necessarily mean that it’s specifically for physical adventures. As a person who has OCD tendencies, it was quite an adventure to challenge myself and go through all the dirt, and having to use the mother nature for certain purposes. I learned that I can overcome anything, which was quite adventurous to forget about your home, and just live as one with nature.

     At some point I would leave everyone and go sit alone, or even head up in-front and like just a few steps away from the organizer/leader. I wanted these solo moments, more like I needed them. I'm a big believer is solitude, I’m a loner, and will always be one. I’ve learned that I live for independence, to the point were at some point I discovered that I don’t even need anyone. I’m a big girl, and after this camp, I really started believing in myself. The calmness, that you feel when you’re sitting alone, the sound of your surroundings, noises from others, and just enjoying your own company. Solitude is my biggest privilege that I've always appreciated and enjoyed.

     The desire you feel, from the place, is astonishing. I didn’t even want to go back. I know that the word desire has been stained with the sexual desire context, but the desire to live means a lot to me. The desire of understanding your friends more, the desire of weak a friend can be and learn about a whole new face. The desire of meeting new people, the desire of how accepting & understanding people can be, and finally the desire of helping one another. You see most of us forget that the word desire can fit in more context, than the sexual ones. I love desire.

     In the end, I learned that I was trying my best to keep myself inside a very unsafe box. There’s a very big world standing right in front each one of us. Believe in yourself, and in your body. Thrive for solitude, and start your journey. Best regards.

My 6th semester just finished, and it feels super weird. It was like a flash, as I am right now sitting on the plane heading back home, it just feels like I’m actually about to go to my University from summer vacation. Everything was rapid, I don’t even know how to handle it. Now that I just finished my junior year, and am about to be a senior, it just feels sad. I’m not very happy about it, yet shit is real, and life has to move on.

As I mentioned to my bestie Ann a few days back, that this semester was my second favorite out of all the entire semesters, I have spent over there. It was loud, and quite. Ups and downs. Solitude and fellowship. Experience and ignorance. Work and dormancy. Aggression and pacifism. ​These are just a few words that describe how the semester went.

I had visions, not about aliens, not about the future, but ideas of how my projects should look like.  I have finally become one with my field, I have finally started to think visually like pro Illustrators. Not on the same level, but I did do few works, where I just had the idea in my head, sketched, and then ta-da it’s digital. I have always had a thing for computer graphics, I’ve always believed that Art is my thing, this is why I never swayed, or even turned my eyes to anything else. In case you don’t know, I’m currently majoring in Visual Arts and Visual Communication Design. 

Now here’s the thing one of the projects, that I have done is called Citizens of the World. I believe that some of you only bothered, to open this site, just to grab their photos, and you have every right too. Guess what? Even though I’m writing this on the 13th of Jan, but it will be uploaded Inchallah on the 15th just as promised. As you are reading this, if your picture was taken, please go to the Work page, which you can find it up on top of the page. You will see your picture there, and if you want it in color, please email me with your picture in small size, then I will email you the colored one.

It all starts with a push, not from anyone, but from yourself. You are the only one who can push yourself to do something. Even if you did something to someone else, you do it because “you” love them, and you don’t want anything in return. You just act that way because you appreciate, what you have for them. Respect is something that is very rare nowadays but let me tell you this. I recently discovered that sometimes I do things not out of respect to the person, but out of me respecting my feelings towards that person. You see, you need to start seeing your inner being, and start understanding who you are from the inside out. Bring peace to yourself, by your salutations to yourself.

I’m sorry for always talking about “you,” yourself, and oneself. However, I’ve noticed recently that most of us forgot the fact that the society is making us drift from who we indeed are, and what purpose we wanted to do. It’s like we are all in this void, forgetting to put time for ourselves, and discover our real potential.

I guess this is it for now, and by the way, this was the very first time I ever write any of my blogs on the computer immediately, without any paper draft. I guess technology will be taking over me soon; I hope not.

Until next blog...

There’s something so beautiful about _______________.

I wrote this statement a while back on Facebook, yet no one could fill it.

There’s something so beautiful about sitting alone.

The very first step you take as your stomach is growling for food and your brain is in desperate need of coffee.

You look around for some of your friends to accompany you, but then they are very busy. So you decide to take a bigger step and go to the restaurant alone.

As you’re walking there, you start having a lot of doubts, and insecurity starts hitting you up. What are people going to say, if any of them I know saw me sitting alone, what are they going to think? How would I look like to the society? A loner? Pathetic? Anti-Social?

You still buckle yourself up and reach the restaurant, you hold the tray get some food, a drink and you’re done. Now comes the hard which is sitting, most of the single people will search for the most cornered table, and sit there, all alone.

Can you imagine how beautiful this is for me?

Indulging in the society without having anyone else around, you in your world, gazing at everyone, thinking about many things that are inside of your head. Trying to connect the dots on every table that is occupied within that small space. Attempting to understand what is going on around you, watching people come and go. Eating slowly, while sipping your drink, hearing your mouth as it is doing the action. Isn’t that just you, a cell, in this big world?

Sometimes you put your earphones on, to listen to music, or like me a podcast. If you want to have the full experience you need to not listen to anything other than the real world. Feel the air as it hits, people talking, the clicking of the forks, the sound “KA-CHAK” as they place their coffee back on the tables. Enjoy every moment, and every sound you hear. 

Don’t worry about if people will judge you or not because even if they did let’s say, is it gonna change anything for you? Is it gonna solve the whole idea of the dark matter? It will do nothing more nothing less. Society is nothing; you’re everything.

Believe in yourself, start by understanding who you’re, spend some time alone with yourself. Because “you” what matters the most. So what if you’re sitting alone? Can’t a person enjoy their own company? Of course, you can.

Sitting alone can boost your self-confidence, because when you understand “you” there’s a lot of magical things will happen. Have faith and believe in yourself.

Because “you” will always
be there for “you.”

hello there 2018
and my kisses shall say my goodbyes to 2017

What a year, 2017 for me it already started in the weirdest way possible, yet thank God I still survived, in a way or another.

As everyone says, it was a rollercoaster, and indeed it was.

I went through many episodes, of all kinds.

Different phases, different moods, various friends, and different people.

I had a lot of “ change of mind “ kind of thoughts, for example, I always used to think that age plays a significant role of how mature a person can be, but thanks to some of you for proving me wrong.

I got betrayed, and stabbed in the back (Julius Cesar kind of thing), multiple times too.

I got good grades and bad grades.

I got into a one-sided “fight,” reassure the fight is not from my side.

I had the chance to work for the very first time in my entire life.

I got to know my twin too.

Unfortunately, I cannot share everything. But here’s what I’ve learned.

First things first, know who you trust.
Trust plays a huge factor in any important kind of ______ship. Know who you surround yourself with, can you bluntly say things out loud, or would the next morning be breaking news for you?

Don’t overthink.
I know that sometimes we can’t help ourselves but overthink things like a million times per second. We need to learn the art of not giving a fuck, and just letting things go. But, don't’ let serious things go, I’m talking about silly and stupid things, stuff that won’t benefit you in any way. Life is too short to waste your brain cells on stupid shit.

Composure.
This took me years to learn how to hold my composure, yet it was worth every sweat and tear. Holding oneself, from emotion to everything is very hard, even though you might mess it up sometimes because you’re a human being, and we make mistakes. But, let me give you a hint, learn how to stay calm, it helps.

The list can go on and on, yet as some of these trending memes say, I still got problems from 2012, but a bitch ain’t one.

2018 have already entered, and for some reason, I don’t feel good about it. But I still gotta stay wide awake and accept or decline things as they are.

One of my resolutions is to read 24 books; I have a blank canvas to fill up.
I guess the second is to be a stronger person, dare to be different.
The third would be to put my work and studies as my priority. 

In the end, I would like to thank my viewers and those who bother to read what I write. Special thanks to those who stood by my side during my breakdowns ( you know yourselves). Thank you too for those who thought they humiliated me ;). Thank you Mom and Dad, and thank you God for everything <3. Thank you 2017 for teaching me a very valid lesson: Try to turn your head back every once in a while, and check how’s the weather there.