Another day, another night.
Here you’re writing in your journal, for the sake of letting things go, because sometimes you’re overloaded, and you have nowhere to go.
So you just open, and search for a blank page in that journal of yours, to fill it with all of your feelings, and emotions. Two things that you always try your best to hide, because you’re scared of rejection, or for just being too weird for the others to handle.
You’re not asking for anything. All that you want is acceptance, and a little bit of understanding.
You sit, all alone, as per usual.
In that dark room of yours, listening to music, while having your insides fighting. From your brain that is filled with thoughts to your heart giving up on life day by day, while your stomach is too sensitive to all whats surrounding it. Instead of paying any attention to them, you start lying to yourself by saying that everything will be okay, or it’s alright.
You go back to reality and check how’s the weather.
To your surprise nothing have changed, even though you kept hoping for a change but nothing did. The same thing over, and over again. Instead, it’s becoming worse.
You realize that you’ll never be accepted for who you’re, you’ll never be even seen as a fellow human who has a soul, feelings, and emotions.
So you go back to your room in the hope that you can find something that can at least accept you as you’re, but nothing.
You’re the only thing with a soul in your room.
We as humans need interaction with each other; this is why some people even adopt pets for the sake of having another soul in the room.
But here again, you’re alone in that small world of yours, that dreams to be big, and have everyone inside, because you can’t take how lonely it is.
Even during your happy moments, when you’re supposed to be the happiest in the world, it has to be ruined. You reach a point where you start doubting your whole existence.
What scares you is how easy the thought of an easy way out, comes to your mind.
You start searching for distraction because even though you’ve been through so much, you still believe that there’s still more for you.
Nevertheless, your feelings are dead; your emotions are slowly vanishing as soon as you open the door to that dark room of yours.
Photo courtesy of Asma Haddad ©
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